Be F***ing Friendly!
Dating - online or in person - can be challenging and there’s a good chance that you’ve already found yourself in a situation where you weren’t sure how to react.
Dating - online or in person - can be challenging and there’s a good chance that you’ve already found yourself in a situation where you weren’t sure how to react.
On this page, we’ve collected questions about dating, and we offer suggestions on how to react in these situations.
Obviously, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, so always ask yourself ‘how would my counterpart react in this situation?’ and adjust our suggestions to fit your situation. You know what works best for you.
Have fun and be f***ing friendly!
Your Question
Questions & Answers
SURE! Just let your date know you’re not in the mood at the moment. If you feel like it, you can tell your date why. If you’re sure you want to meet this person some other time, why not suggest a different time? That way, your date will see you’re still interested.
“Hey sorry, I noticed I’m just not in the mood to get to know someone new today and need to cancel. But what about postponing our date? I’m still interested in getting to know you. How about next Friday?”
Sometimes, two people just aren’t looking for the same thing! Be open to communicate what you are looking for and what you’re not interested in right now. You’re never required to have sex, even if you’ve talked about it in your chats.
Of course, that happens sometimes. Simply thank them and let them know you’re not interested in pursuing things further, so they won’t get their hopes up.
“Thank you for today’s date. So glad we had the chance to meet. Unfortunately, it don’t feel we’re a match, and I don’t want to give you false hope. I wish you all the best!”
Call the police. The LGBTIQ helpline can help you and give you advice.
0800 133 133 (Monday - Friday, 19:00 to 21:00), via email: Aktivieren Sie Javascript um diese geschützte E-Mail Adresse zu sehen.
Call the police. The LGBTIQ helpline can help you and give you advice.
0800 133 133 (Monday - Friday, 19:00 to 21:00), via email: Aktivieren Sie Javascript um diese geschützte E-Mail Adresse zu sehen.
Queers are everywhere; but sometimes it’s just hard to find or recognize them in public. You can find lots of queer people at queer parties, prides and other events; and of course at any Pink Cross event: www.pinkcross.ch/de/aktuelles/agenda).
You can find a list of events in German-speaking Switzerland here: www.gay.ch/parties
That’s not fun. You can end the date anytime and don’t owe the person any explanation. Also, consider reporting the profile so that others don’t experience the same thing.
Advice: If you can’t do a background check (for example via social media), meet the person in a public place. This way, you can leave whenever you want, and you’re protected by social oversight.
Being turned down is no fun experience. But you don’t need to feel ashamed just because it didn’t work out. You can still go to the same parties and events and don’t need to go out of your way to avoid the person.
Rude! You don’t deserve that.
A good response could be, “Let’s focus on what you do like.”
Don’t feel like doing that? End the conversations and possibly block the person. If they insult you again, report them.
Sometimes a conversation, meeting or chat takes a different direction than you initially expected. Make sure you know what you really want and share your feelings. Listen to the other person to find out if you are on the same page or want different things.
“I feel our expectations of this date don’t match. What are you hoping to get out of this?”
Take a breath. You can’t change what’s already been said. Don’t take revenge. Instead, tell people you trust the truth and avoid direct confrontation.
The LGBTIQ helpline can help you and offer advice.
0800 133 133 (Monday - Friday, 19:00 to 21:00), via email: Aktivieren Sie Javascript um diese geschützte E-Mail Adresse zu sehen.
It’s great that you're getting informed! If you and/or one of your sexual partners are under 16, the legal age difference can’t be more than 3 years. Once you hit 16, you legally can have sex with someone who’s more than 3 years older than you. But remember, until you’re 18, you aren’t allowed to have sex with anyone in a position of authority over you (teachers, managers, youth workers). Important: Legally, it is always the older person who is responsible, and you can always ask for help.
0800 133 133 (Monday - Friday, 19:00 to 21:00), via email: Aktivieren Sie Javascript um diese geschützte E-Mail Adresse zu sehen.
You can also find more information on Dr. Gay: www.drgay.ch/en/sexuality/your-rights-swiss-laws/age-of-consent
Even if the age difference is legal, you always have the right to say "no"!
Don’t take it personally. All you can do is accept their decision. If your match is still interested, they will suggest a new time to meet.
Non-verbal communication doesn’t always work. If you’re not sure, it’s best to ask. Obviously, it takes a little courage, but it’s much nicer to be asked and make out than to be taken by surprise.
Spotted your crush at a club, bar or somewhere else? Go talk to them! You can quickly tell by their body language and responses, if they’re interested.
Not sure how to do that? Just ask the person if you can pay for their drink or dance together. Or you could ask for their number or their Instagram handle. But remember – no means no – and you’ve got to respect that.
A gay sauna can be exciting – especially the first time you go. You will probably encounter more direct, sexual and nonverbal approaches and interactions. But you can always move unwanted hands away (that’s the sign for no interest), remove yourself from the situation and / or simply say “no”. If your boundaries aren’t respected, seek help from the sauna staff.
Advice: Go with a friend. It might be easier to explore new surroundings with someone you know and it can make you feel less exposed.
No, you can always say no or just have a drink instead of having sex. You’re never obligated to have sex – even if it was the plan.
Maybe your date just isn’t in the mood, has an important obligation that got in the way, or thinks that it’s just not going to work out. Even if it doesn’t feel great, the person is fully entitled to end the date – just as you are. Accept their decision and leave them in peace.
It’s great that you’re thinking about this. Dr. Gay has all the answers to safer sex: www.drgay.ch/safer-sex
These things can happen and are no cause for shame. Go to one of these checkpoints: www.mycheckpoint.ch/
If there’s no check point in der area, Dr. Gay has a directory of additional testing locations: www.drgay.ch/en/safer-sex/tested-and-vaccinated/how-and-where-to-get-tested
There are times people are into us, but we’re just not into them – it happens, you know? Accept the compliment and let the person know that you are not interested or that it’s just not a match. You don’t need to tell them the reason for your feelings.
“Thank you for your message. I’m not interested but wish you all the best!“
Have you already let that person know that you’re not interested? If they don’t accept your decision, just block them. There’s no need to feel bad for them.
Give them some time. Maybe they’ve turned off their notifications or aren’t online that much. If you still haven’t heard back one or two days later, they’re probably not interested and just might not have the courage to tell you.
Ghosting isn’t nice. But you’ve got to accept it and stop contacting them.
It doesn’t feel great, but happens to everybody – yes, even to your super-mega-model-crush.
You’re not obligated to show your nudes to anyone. Tell the person that you want to get to know them before sharing such personal pictures. They even might be open to getting to know you better without any nudes.
“I don’t want to share nudes right now. Can we get to know each other a bit better first?”
Great! If that’s the direction the chat is developing, ask the person if they want to see your nudes.
Not everybody wants to see your nudes. If you’re not sure, ask before sharing them with the world.
Block the contact or profile – You don’t have to accept this.
Feeling harassed? The LGBTIQ helpline can provide support and advice for you in these situations.
0800 133 133 (Monday - Friday, 19:00 to 21:00), via email: Aktivieren Sie Javascript um diese geschützte E-Mail Adresse zu sehen.
Dating apps don’t always have the same amount of activity. Sometimes, if you’ve been on them for a while, certain apps will show your profile less often. Or they’ve already shown it to everyone within your search radius.
You can add a breath of fresh air to your profile by adding new pictures where your face is clearly visible. This can help your profile to get noticed again – and who knows, your next match could be the love of your life!
The other person isn’t interested or found a given situation uncomfortable. Even if you don’t know why, you must accept the decision and refrain from contacting the person on other platforms.